Stop The Self-Sabotage
Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and thought ‘I’m not good enough, worthy enough, important enough to x, y, z?’ I know I have, a lot, and it sucks, a lot.
My self-sabotaging inner critic was at its peak as I transitioned from corporate gal to new Mum. I was so very excited for the next chapter in my life, I waddled my way out of the office on my last day before maternity leave walking on cloud nine.
Then, two weeks past his due date, 44 hours of labour and an emergency c-section later, our first bundle of joy arrived. I won’t lie, he was perfect, and I was exhausted.
Fast forward a few months, in my sleep deprived, hormonal state I waited desperately for motherhood to click. It didn’t. My inner critic was on fire! ‘You aren’t good enough for this baby,’ ‘everyone thinks you are a bad Mum,’ ‘you don’t deserve to be happy,’ ‘you are failing,’ on repeat all day every day. I genuinely believed I was not good enough, that everyone knew it and I would fail at everything I did. Ouch.
Fortunately, I had knew something that might help stop the inner noise and downward spiral. I had meditated in the past and thought I would give it a go. I mean, I had nothing to lose and to be absolutely honest, I was desperate. Through meditation I discovered self-compassion and my life changed forever, my inner critic became my friend and secret weapon!
Taming Your Wild Inner Critic
What came as the biggest surprise for me when I started a regular meditation practice was that things started to change on the inside, well before anything changed externally in my life. I was able to change the tone and language of my inner critic. My inner monologue became constructive, lighthearted, helpful even, just by meditating and practicing mindfulness.
The thing I love the most about meditation is that it unlocks your beginners mind, each moment is a new start with new opportunities. What a blessing.
Unintentionally, practicing mindfulness is where I started my self-compassion journey and ultimately turned my inner critic around. Mindfulness and mindfulness meditation are beautiful practices that organically introduce self-nurturing and acceptance of humanness. It is the perfect place to start if you want to nurture your inner critic.
Let me explain why. Paying attention to the moment is the perfect antidote to coming out of your head and letting go of the reoccurring, self-critical thought spirals that keep us in self-judgement and criticism. When we come out of our head and into the moment we can hit the reset button on what we are thinking and feeling. Layer on top of that the heartful connection and emotional honesty that comes with being mindful, and seeing the moment for what it really is and BOOM, you are connected to your natural ability to feel love and compassion for others, yourself and the world.
Mindfulness is a simple and effective way to practice being self-compassionate. When we are mindful of the moment, including mindfulness of our thoughts and feelings, without judgement, we can start to gently change the tone and language of our inner monologue to be more compassionate, nurturing and understanding.
Mindfulness and ultimately self-compassion takes time and practice, like all habits, to master. If you try it once you won’t see great results, however, if you practice it daily you will have a solid mindful self-compassion six pack. Don’t think of being mindful as an extra thing to do in your day, think of it as a lifestyle, one with life changing benefits.
How To Start Becoming More Mindful
Let me share with you how you can start a mindfulness meditation practice today and start saying YES to self-compassion. A Body Scan Meditation is one of many mindfulness meditations, its easy to remember and easy to self-guide in three easy steps. Here’s how:
Body Scan Meditation
Find a nice comfortable symmetrical position, either sitting or laying down and gently close your eyes if you feel comfortable to do so. Settle into your position and just know that if you need to move during the meditation you can.
Take time to slowly connect to your breath and each of your senses – what do you hear, smell, feel, taste, see. Take your time to really connect and notice.
Scan your body in what ever way you like. You may work your way from your head to your toes, from your toes to your head, or you may even like to just scan certain parts of your body that you are intuitively drawn to. Simply observe, notice without judging, accepting with kindness what ever you notice without trying to change anything at all (sensations, feelings, temperatures, tingles, emotion, tension, feelings of relaxation, anything at all). If you find your mind wanders, that’s okay, it happens, simply notice the thought and let is pass through your mind, then come back to scanning your body.
Simple right? You might start this practice for 5 minutes a day and over time work your way up to half an hour, or even longer if you like.
The beauty of mindfulness meditation is that it gives you a bird’s eye view of what’s going on, you are watching rather than getting caught up in the emotion of it all. You can see all the moving parts - giving you the gift of being able to objectively see what’s actually going on. When we can see what’s going on without judgement or expectation we can apply rational self-compassion and take calculated, heartfelt risks to move you forward in life.
If 2020-2021 taught us nothing else, it has taught us that change comes whether we like it or not. When we find ourselves in times of change and transition, in relationships, careers, financially, spiritually, or even epidemics, this is when our inner critic is at its loudest. The question is, do you want your inner critic to lead you to self-neglect, or self-care? If self-care is your answer, start practicing mindfulness and mindfulness meditation today.
Mindfulness is the key to unlocking self-compassion, and self-compassion is the antidote to a toxic inner critic.
Blessings
Candice xx
Candice Fraser is a Podcast Host and qualified Meditation Teacher at the Kindness Couch. Grab her free Introduction to Meditation Guide and then come join her online meditation group. Find her on Instagram: @thekindesscouch or on Facebook @thekindesscouch.
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